I think i sorta joined a cult last night
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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