they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
How does it feel to date your dad?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
