i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
