he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
