so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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