i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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