she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
