currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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