I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
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Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
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