it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
