Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
