I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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