im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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