i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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