do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
