are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
what day is it and did you see me today?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
