come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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