Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
