my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
