Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
