remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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