I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
