There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
