just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Randomize
