i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize