i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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