Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
