Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
