I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
