hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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