okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
