Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
