I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
