I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
