Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
