Are we in a gay sports bar?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
