apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
