she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
