I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
