he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
