dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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