shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
