Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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