I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
