You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
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I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
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I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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