Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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