I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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