your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
