I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
