She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
