My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
She even gives head with a lisp.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
