also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
