Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
