We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
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I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
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I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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