Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Vodka?
Forever.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
