so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
