Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
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