Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
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