Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
