Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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