i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
