Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
