I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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