Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
