So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Randomize
