And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Randomize
