woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
