i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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