Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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