Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
