Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
