My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
how drunk are you?
Several
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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