I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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