just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
so much tequila, so little girl.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
