the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
