I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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