my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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