Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
