do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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