if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
