maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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