So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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