There r osticjed everywhere
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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