the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
