Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
