Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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