if i can run in heels then i can drive
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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