tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
